Making Goals Stick

It’s approaching the time when many people are losing steam on their New Year’s resolutions. We start the year full of hope, motivated to transform our spirits, minds, and bodies. Then life happens and knocks the wind out of our sails. How can we make this year different from the times we went completely off the tracks? There’s no secret formula to accomplish a goal, but I’d like to share a few insights that may help us stick with our goals for the new year.  

Our Becoming Informs Our Doing

It is difficult to change behavior without first embracing a new identity. If our goal includes improving our health stats, it’s easier to make nutrition and exercise decisions from the vantage point of a healthy person. Maybe, we’ve never felt we fit neatly into that box. The power of imagination comes in real handy here. When I am working to become something I’ve never been, I often ask myself: “What would a _______ person do in this moment?” Whether we intend to be healthy athletes, responsible stewards, inspiring creators, or courageous mentors, the possibilities are endless when we use our imagination to see the situation from a new vantage point. Our minds love solving open-ended questions, so let’s empower our minds to work subconsciously toward our goal by becoming invested in aligning with this new identity. Psychologists call this conceptual change, which is much more effective and long-lasting than behavioral change alone. 

If I were a reader…

As I approached my twentieth birthday, I set a goal to read one book per month. Reading felt like a chore. I muscled through the first month or two and then missed several. I realized that if this goal was going to stick, I needed to embrace the identity of being a voracious reader. So I started repeatedly asking myself questions to imagine what living in that identity would be like. How would a voracious reader spend their time? What would their living room feel like? Which apps would would they use? How would they track their book adventures? I blew through my twelve-book reading goal that year, and can wholeheartedly say that it’s one of my favorite ways to spend free time now. Reading one hundred books a year has become an easy goal for me to hit, but only because I embraced a new identity before trying to change old behaviors. 

Layering Our Why 

We’ve probably heard that we need to have a why for each goal we want to achieve. It’s true, but let’s go a little deeper. You know how kids will “But Why?” you to the brink of insanity. Well, we need to embody our inner child for a moment. The why for our wildly important and challenging goals needs to go deep. Ask yourself why it’s important to achieve this goal. Then repeat “But Why?” seven to ten more times until you uncover the north star of your life’s legacy. Give yourself some privacy and at least 20 minutes to work through this process because it can be emotional. You may feel some resistance as you go deeper, but finding that North Star is worth it. It should impact every aspect of our condition (spirit, mind, and body). We should also consider how it will positively affect our connection (loving relationships) and our contribution (meaningful work). 

But Why…

I can’t remember which goal sparked me to use the “but why” exercise. All I can say is that the goal and its achievement were fleeting and forgettable, but the “Layer 7 Why” I uncovered is now at the heart of everything I do. My North Star is to hear my creator say “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I want to live full and die empty, leaving no gift unused or undeveloped. Once this magnetic motivator was revealed to me, I was ready to start clearing the path to some of my biggest goals.

Play Offense 

We play offense with our willpower when we create systems to support our goals. When I prioritized healthy eating, I created a nutrition plan that helped me get really clear about what belongs on my plate. Everything else stayed at the grocery store. I also redesigned our food storage systems so the healthiest options are prepped and displayed at eye level in our fridge and pantry. When accepting a lunch or dinner invitation, I review the restaurant menu and choose one to three healthy options in advance so I’m not making that decision in a moment of hunger or willpower fatigue. Establishing autopilot systems and pre-deciding before critical moments is an easy strategy to protect our willpower.

Cost of a free lunch…

I volunteered to help teach a real estate investment class last Saturday. The gracious host was providing breakfast and lunch, and I knew it was going to be delicious. Whether or not it fits into my nutrition plan was the unknown. I know myself well enough to understand how a 2:00 pm hangry cookie negotiation can escalate. I’ve learned to play offense with the free lunches. I ate breakfast at home and I packed a healthy lunch. Could I have eaten a free muffin, sandwich, and cookie with minimal negative impact on my overall health? Absolutely, but I’m past the point of wanting to negotiate the small stuff after I make a decision. For me, bringing my white chicken chili for lunch was an easy way to protect my willpower and energy so I could focus on connecting with the people I was there to serve.  

Optimal Recovery  

So what if we accidentally ate the free cookie? Excellent, we love opportunities to recommit. Curiosity, grace, and renewed resolve turn our failures into optimal recoveries. We will miss the target some days, and that’s alright. We don’t have to let a slip turn into a slide. Expect challenges as we pursue our goals. If we don’t “fail” at some point we’re probably thinking too small. Realigning is a necessary part of our goal journey, so our intention is not perfection but to reduce the time it takes between realizing we’re off track and realignment. Recommitting to our goal or vision daily prevents us from wandering too far down the wrong trail. 

Drifting with the tide…

I was the kid who stayed in the surf from sunrise to sunset during beach trips. I’ve always been mesmerized by an endless watery horizon. Horizon gazing got me in hot water one day. My directions were to stay right in front of our umbrella and chairs on the beach, but one morning I realized I was very far from where I was supposed to be. The current carried me to the jetty rocks and the tide quickly pulled me toward the horizon. My mom swam out and brought me back to our umbrella where she shared a lesson I revisit often. Our vision, like that watery horizon, can be so vast and full of potential that it is a little disorienting, so we need to establish anchor points, like that beach umbrella, to help us gauge if we are still aligned with where we are supposed to be. Currents and tides are inevitable in life, so if we’re not aligned with our anchor points, we may drift somewhere we never intended to be. 

Transformation

I believe people can change. I’ve experienced it with myself and I’ve witnessed it in others, but willpower alone is not a successful strategy. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but it's not an optimal or efficient path. I’ve struggled and strived to accomplish things in my own power for years. My friends and family can confirm, I’m extremely tenacious and disciplined. When I’ve fallen short it’s because I was striving for something that God never willed for me or my motives were wrong or prideful. For me, surrender used to mean giving up, but now I see it as giving all the broken pieces of my life, in exchange for God’s transforming love, power, and grace. 

Putting first things first transforms us from the inside out. When we allow God to supernaturally transform our character, it frees up our focus for the easier stuff like keeping a book on the ottoman or packing a healthier lunch. Which part of our life feels stagnant? Where are we struggling to get traction with meaningful change? Where do we need God’s best because our best is not cutting it anymore? What’s one tiny step you can take to align your best with God’s best?  

Faith Encouragement: 

1 Corinthians 3:7-9 - So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building. 

1 Corinthians 9:24 - Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.  

James Clear - Imagine two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a smoke, the first person says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.” … The second person declines by saying, “No thanks, I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference, but this statement signals a shift in identity. Smoking was a part of their former life, not their current one. They no longer identify as someone who smokes.